Mindset Life Health

Stop Worrying About the Things You Can’t Control

Live in the present and embrace whatever life throws your way.

by Eric Chung

Updated January 19, 2024

Woman Wearing Purple Shirt Holding Smartphone White Sitting on Chair — Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

In the book “The Way of the Warrior”, Erwin McManus writes,

“You must choose to take hold of what you can control and let go of what you cannot.”

This quote has served me in many situations as a self-reminder.

And it makes perfect sense. But why is it so hard to implement?

Well, life is unpredictable. There’s a one-in-a-million chance that you’ll get struck by lightning, but it might just happen to you.

But it’s beyond your control, so you probably don’t worry about it happening to you.

Similarly, financial outcomes, especially those related to FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early), are also outside of our control.

My toxic FIRE mindset

Personally, I’ve experienced a fair amount of financial anxiety from worrying about things that I can’t control even though I know that I shouldn’t.

Ever since I stumbled upon FIRE, I've created a monster of a spreadsheet to project when I might achieve early retirement.

The worst part: my ADHD makes me hyperfocus on this spreadsheet, which has turned FIRE into a toxic influence.

I would stress about what my future might look like two decades away.

I became obsessed with trying to craft a plan that allowed me to retire at 45 instead of 50.

I constantly adjusted variables in my spreadsheet to get me closer to the outcome that I wanted, including:

Annual rates of return
When I might receive a promotion and a salary raise
What salary I should have by 32 years old
When I could increase my spending for lifestyle inflation
How much my rent would increase in five years if and when my landlord kicked me out and I am forced to move

Some might think I’m crazy… and they might be right.

Am I crazy?

These variables on my spreadsheet are, for the most part, beyond my control.

For example, I would obsess about the perfect rate of return to use to predict my future.

What’s going on in my brain:

Perhaps I should use 8% before inflation? That’s lower than the historical average return of the stock market, but it would still get me to my FIRE number by 48.

Oh, but I would have to get a 15% raise within the next three years, or I’ll have to retire at 50 instead.

And that will only happen if I stay in my rent-controlled apartment until I’m 35 or else current market rents will push back my FIRE date another three years.

What I realized

I had become a prisoner of my own financial projections.

Life is unpredictable and plans shouldn’t be set in stone. In fact, by the time you make a plan, oftentimes it’s already outdated.

It's okay to project into the future, but getting hyperfixated on what life might look like 15 or 20 years away will bring you no good.

Realistically, you can only plan somewhat accurately a few months or maybe a year ahead.

I can’t control how much my investments will return over the next 20 years. It’s not going to be a consistent 8% every year, that’s for sure.

And only my employer can control if and when my salary changes, no matter what promises my manager tells me.

And besides, a plan doesn’t take into account unforeseen events, like stock market crashes or layoffs.

I could wake up tomorrow and get fired over a Zoom call. There goes my plan out the window.

Regaining control

Instead of worrying about the rate of return, I can focus on investment vehicles to put my money into, like a broad-market index fund.

Rather than fixating on a promotion, I can focus on growing my skills and expertise. This can increase the likelihood of a promotion or raise.

I could also try to switch jobs and negotiate a pay raise based on a job offer.

These are things I am in control of and it’s a far better approach than sitting in my chair, staring at my spreadsheet, and hoping that my boss suddenly gives me more money.